The Incredible Years – Week Nine

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Please click here for last weeks post

EFFECTIVE LIMIT SETTING CONT

This weeks session was a continuation of last weeks. We moved on to talk about the rules we have around the house, including the unspoken ones. You know something? There are rather a lot!! I like things to be done my way and as a result I have millions of little rules and regulations as to how things are done!!  However, the bottom line is that being pedantic about every single little thing is just downright stressful and doesn’t help anyone in the end. This can be especially confusing for children as, frankly, there is just too much to concentrate on. We talked about the rules that really mattered to us and how we can make these rules clear to our children. I guess the point is with children, and with life in general, is that you have to pick your battles.

Limit setting is also important. We were reminded that children need security but they also need freedom (confusing, right!). A good example is letting them play but making them aware of the perimeter to which they can play in. It is very easy to want to baby our precious ones (I myself have the habit of hovering over Little Man whilst he’s trying to play), but by giving them freedom we are also teaching them some essential life skills. It was pointed out that whilst it is important to keep our children safe it is equally important to expose them to ‘controlled dangers’. I guess a good example of this would be discussing road safety with them when out and about.

HOMEWORK

We were asked to focus on setting up a short list of house rules and ways of implementing them in a child friendly way. The list should contain no more than five rules to be decided between us and our partner (if applicable). By doing this we essentially focus on what is truly important to us. What I liked about this is that it gave hubby and I a chance to check we are on the same page. The thing that surprised me was that we have a different set of priorities. I was very focused on the house being tidy and he was more concerned with the table manners. It was nice to hear each other out and come up with a game plan.

  1. We tidy up after ourselves
  2. Food stays on our plate
  3. We play nicely with our toys
  4. Shoes and coats off in the hallway
  5. We say please and thank you

The plan is for this to be written up for Little Man to see…. complete with pictures!

The main problem I found with this list is that, to be a good role model, I need to adhere to the rules myself! Number 1 and 4 are an issue for me as I’m really messy and lazy by nature, ironic as these are the rules that are non negotiable to me. Looking at it from this perspective has made me feel like I’m a bit of a hypocrite. However, I’m well aware that a tidy house ultimately leads to an easier life so I’m sure that this is something I can get used to! After all, I can’t expect others to tidy if I’m not doing it myself.

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One thought on “The Incredible Years – Week Nine

  1. Pingback: The Incredible Years – Week Ten | Tales of a Knackered Mum

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